Dwindle<Foward
Aug. 4th, 2021 01:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scumbunnyUnion.
The definition of Union is as follows: : an act or instance of uniting or joining two or more things into one: such as a gracious union of excellence and strength
I do not apologize for my shitty copy/paste job, BECAUSE; the greater point here is, what is the purpose of union?
"the growing together of severed parts", but what does that imply when assuming things prior were "severed"?
I don't know if I identify with this severed the way the that definition suggests. I can judge that I feel, in my own interpretation of myself and my life, that I am incredibly fragmented; broken down and stripped apart by my own mind-- my own anxieties.
Lets go on this tangent for a moment: my anxiety(ies), they're strong, and they're real because I give them life. This conditioning will always be a part of me and like I learned as a child so that I could walk through high school not totally crippled, I need to relearn for myself now-- because my anxiety is guarding my life from myself in ways I wish it wouldn't. I don't want to miss out on happiness, I don't want to miss what's around me; reality and the gratitude I ought to be considering every day for what I have right now.
I hold zero weight on the positive impact I have on other people unless it's a negative one, therefore, discrediting the humanity I strive for: which is to be a kind person and spread kindness to others. Yet, my efforts are simply never good enough because once one task is done, there are still a thousand more to tend to. That is to say, start, render, complete, on to the next- from ground zero... ....aaannndd begin!
Like every do-good I put into the universe is immediately met by the next in need and the product is, that my cup is never full.
Okay, I'm rambling about nothing now.
But my point is, is it as simple as not being able to love myself and therefore being unable to fully love someone else? The human brain is so vastly intricate, when I think about this, I think about this as a model for the universe and sure, all the dimensions and probabilities that exist. So many possibilities, in fact, that one person simply cannot fathom more than a handful, if not less, of these possibilities, concepts, etc., at one time.
That being said, is it truth to assume that this one idea is the answer? I guess that answer would be no-- and I would add, if I was Lady Universe, that because so many dimensions with so many varying possibilities exist, there is no clear answer for one thing or the other. All there is is you. The you in this dimension, drawing these conclusions, from x y z possibilities that have followed in this life. To apply concepts from other dimensions would disrupt the flow in this one, I suppose? Maybe I should look more into multiverse theory...
In the words of Sir Humbert Von Gikkinggen, "Always believe in yourself. Do this, and no matter where you are, you have nothing to fear."
Perfect and simple, like my guiding compass, my ring to Calcifer.
If there is one thing I can say with full self-confidence (relevant, self-deprocating joke), I can say that I have totally forgotten this main moto of mine, my moral code, my internal dialog; it's all seemingly disappeared.
But I also know that it hasn't, it's buried deep inside me, dormant and covered in dust, lurking in a quiet, damp corner rocking back and forth or maybe chuckling as I write this, whispering "I'm right here dummy...".
Jeez.
I've lost myself.
When did this happen and how? Was it all my doing or did external factors contribute? Instead of making a long laundry list if reasons WHY, like I have been for years now. Perhaps it's in my best interest, and for the sake of not boring everyone, to focus on what I can do from here on out to stay on track. I think that's a more self-loving, honest approach. Hey, I'm already learning!
The definition of Union is as follows: : an act or instance of uniting or joining two or more things into one: such as
(1): the formation of a single political unit from two or more separate and independent units
(2): a uniting in marriagealso : SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
(3): the growing together of severed parts
b: a unified condition :
I do not apologize for my shitty copy/paste job, BECAUSE; the greater point here is, what is the purpose of union?
"the growing together of severed parts", but what does that imply when assuming things prior were "severed"?
I don't know if I identify with this severed the way the that definition suggests. I can judge that I feel, in my own interpretation of myself and my life, that I am incredibly fragmented; broken down and stripped apart by my own mind-- my own anxieties.
Lets go on this tangent for a moment: my anxiety(ies), they're strong, and they're real because I give them life. This conditioning will always be a part of me and like I learned as a child so that I could walk through high school not totally crippled, I need to relearn for myself now-- because my anxiety is guarding my life from myself in ways I wish it wouldn't. I don't want to miss out on happiness, I don't want to miss what's around me; reality and the gratitude I ought to be considering every day for what I have right now.
I hold zero weight on the positive impact I have on other people unless it's a negative one, therefore, discrediting the humanity I strive for: which is to be a kind person and spread kindness to others. Yet, my efforts are simply never good enough because once one task is done, there are still a thousand more to tend to. That is to say, start, render, complete, on to the next- from ground zero... ....aaannndd begin!
Like every do-good I put into the universe is immediately met by the next in need and the product is, that my cup is never full.
Okay, I'm rambling about nothing now.
But my point is, is it as simple as not being able to love myself and therefore being unable to fully love someone else? The human brain is so vastly intricate, when I think about this, I think about this as a model for the universe and sure, all the dimensions and probabilities that exist. So many possibilities, in fact, that one person simply cannot fathom more than a handful, if not less, of these possibilities, concepts, etc., at one time.
That being said, is it truth to assume that this one idea is the answer? I guess that answer would be no-- and I would add, if I was Lady Universe, that because so many dimensions with so many varying possibilities exist, there is no clear answer for one thing or the other. All there is is you. The you in this dimension, drawing these conclusions, from x y z possibilities that have followed in this life. To apply concepts from other dimensions would disrupt the flow in this one, I suppose? Maybe I should look more into multiverse theory...
In the words of Sir Humbert Von Gikkinggen, "Always believe in yourself. Do this, and no matter where you are, you have nothing to fear."
Perfect and simple, like my guiding compass, my ring to Calcifer.
If there is one thing I can say with full self-confidence (relevant, self-deprocating joke), I can say that I have totally forgotten this main moto of mine, my moral code, my internal dialog; it's all seemingly disappeared.
But I also know that it hasn't, it's buried deep inside me, dormant and covered in dust, lurking in a quiet, damp corner rocking back and forth or maybe chuckling as I write this, whispering "I'm right here dummy...".
Jeez.
I've lost myself.
When did this happen and how? Was it all my doing or did external factors contribute? Instead of making a long laundry list if reasons WHY, like I have been for years now. Perhaps it's in my best interest, and for the sake of not boring everyone, to focus on what I can do from here on out to stay on track. I think that's a more self-loving, honest approach. Hey, I'm already learning!
- Intention - Ask yourself why you want to do something, this is a tool to help you get to know yourself.
- Morals - I speak directly to myself when I say DO NOT IGNORE YOUR MORAL COMPASS, it's your Baron, your guide.
- Trust - You simply won't have the answers sometimes, Morals and Intention built your Intuition which tells you to trust yourself, you'll be okay.
- Be Casual - Taking life too seriously will make you feel dissatisfied indefinitely, life is about brushing it off sometimes simply because you can. Flow like the water- like a leaf down a stream.
- Feelings - You do not have to act or listen to every feeling, decide which to nurture and which to let go.
- Thoughts - You are not your thoughts and your thoughts are not always true, look at these with curiosity instead of as fact.
- Self-love - You deserve it, you're worthy of it, and you need it, show the world how beautiful you are inside and out.
- Acceptance - This allows you to let go of that which you cannot control, to truly feel free.
- Control - Ask yourself, "Do I have control over this?" and if the answer is no, refer to the bullet point above.
